"The Year of Terror"

Bangalore, Ahmedabad, Delhi and now the fourth Metro to be targeted in the same year. What more you can wish for? That too in one year.

Another day, another city and so many lives. I woke up this morning with the shocking news about what happened in Mumbai but worse was the news about what is happening in Mumbai. This is really unprecedented and if prime minister is to be believed (if he is to be believed) then perhaps this will not be repeated but well we are hearing the same words over and over again.

It seems that we are slowly becoming a country of 1 billion dumb, lame people. Our lives have become so cheap that when 100 of Indians are killed nobody notices and all the press coverage is given to some foreigner's bodies. Nothing affects us until it happens to us or our people. Prime minister appeared on TV and made some vague statements about things which should have been done earlier. The police cribs about no intelligence input and the best is the joke cracked by Intelligence that "this attack is clearly a terrorist attack". I don't understand what was taking intelligence agencies to take so long to say something which even any assho** can say.

This might be just another terror attack but it comes at a time when most of the cities are supposed to be on high alert and then suddenly out of blue some 40-50 people land on the shores with automated guns and grenades and suddenly start firing on innocent people. They take a city on hostage and kill hundred of people, they kill some senior police officer and meanwhile also kill some well identified targets which were mainly whites and westerners. And well in the middle of everything our media is cracking jokes. Some sample are -

Deepak Chaurasia - Looks at the dome of Taj and says that "Meri analysis kah rahi hai ki Taj ke doosri side mein aag lagi hai jo kabhi tez ho rahi hai aur kabhi kam ho rahi hai". (I think that there is fire on the other side of Taj which is rising and dying at times). Well his anal-a-ysis was actually right and there was fire on the other side of the Taj dome which the other news channels were already showing.

Umesh Kumawat - He repeated the same lines for minimum ten times that it's really a painful situation and terrorists have taken some 30 people as hostage.

India TV even claims that they have a caller from Oberoi hotel (where terrorists have holed up) and though he says that he is from Deccan Hyderabad, India TV proves that the guy on phone sounds Kashmiri.

And the height was prime minister's speech where he repeated the rhetoric that this was a cowardly attack (now what you want more, should they come with armored tanks and missiles? Would that be a brave attack). During his award winning (award was prime minister's chair during the no-confidence motion) he mentioned that Advani's astrologer is ill advising Advani. Well, I am not sure what to say about prime minister's astrologers or about his advisors.

One thing I can say with surity is that life of an ordinary citizen is now in the hands of these few terrorist. It's on them to decide where, when and how? And well, we all know what will be the sequence of events after the next terrorist attack. Ab bhi nahin samjhey kya? TV Dekho, TV..

Is the banking trust broken? My experience

One of the fallouts of the ongoing financial crisis is that it seems that banking trust has broken or at-least in the process of breaking up. They may not accept it on the face and issue public statements like everything is safe and sound and that the deposits are secure, there are some tell-tale signs that the mutual trust between banks is weathering out.

There are things happening with me and several others which shows you that the desperation on the part of the bank has increased for two things -

1. Getting more deposits from the people and that's why the interest rates have increased
2. Preserving whatever cash they have using whatever means they have and one of them is to taking off their ATM network from the common grid. And that means no more transactions on the ATMs of other banks

And this is what I have to say about. I hold a corporate salary account with one of the leading private sector bank (compulsory for me to hold salary account with this bank only). One of the perks that comes bundled with the salary account is that I can have 15 transactions per quarter on the ATMs of other banks. That's a luxury right? Not at all!.

I was going to drop my friend home and then it happened. We had dinner and then I walked her home. On my back I realized that I have only 4 Rs. in my purse plus 1 ATM/Debit card and 2 Credit cards (plastic money huh!) . Auto wallahs don't take change and to save embarrassment I got down at a place (from a shared auto) till where the fare was only 4 Rs. Now, armed with 3 plastic cards and zero cash I rushed to nearest ATM. It was of a little known Catholic Syrian Bank but the ATM counter stated they take Visa cards so I went in. 2 transactions were rejected. My fear grew on me. The other ATM was about 1 and half kilometers. I decided to walk. The other bank was HDFC bank. Despite of the VISA thing they still rejected the transaction. Next was SBI ATM, result the same. Indian Bank, Corporation Bank and Andhra Bank, transaction declined, unable to process, temporarily unable to process, Try another time etc etc. The same result.

I was becoming desperate. I had an option to call my friend and ask her to come and give me some cash. The other was to take a meter auto till my office and ask the guy to wait. Then walk in the campus, take the money from the ATM and then take the same auto to home. I will save embarrassment. I decided not to use the first option and then suddenly walked to the guard of the HDFC bank and asked him if I can get the ATM of my bank nearby. He laughed and then said try Kotak Bank ATM next door. It might work. I have never waited like this for the sound of machine counting the notes. The machine waited for a while, then whirred, hissed and there came the Gandhi. I thanked the guard and the god and then took the first auto home. It was 11 already in the night .

I tried 6 banks. Under normal circumstances I could have got the first transaction going and could have saved the extra effort but then these are not normal times. These are extraordinary times and we all need to be extraordinarily patient. We can afford one or two failed transactions but if a bank fails, we just can't even think about it. So be prepared for one two failed transactions. A better way is to keep enough cash and be less reliant on the plastic money.

Later I realized that I had a 500 Rs. note torn from the two corners again courtesy the ATM of the same bank. As I noticed that note only after like 10 days, I didn't bother to complain. It's better to take that note to my brother in law who works for a government bank and who I know will change it without asking for proof that it came out of ATM of his bank. I still have that note.

Behind the scenes of Karzzz..

I don't have sufficient words to write a review for this super successful movie (as predicted by the great modern day movie reviewer Taran Adarsh) and kyon naa ho.. sometimes even Himesh ji fall short of words to praise (guess who?) himself.

The high point of the movie is the helicopter scene (now that's really high right?). Where a plastic faced girl (who happens to be the promoter's daughter) narrates her story about how the rockstar "monty" (read Himesh) couldn't take his eyes off her during a party. Then suddenly a chopper appears in the air with Monty hanging from the door and singing his favorite song. I don't know how the director might have planned this scene but it's really the high point of the movie and you know what's a high point means. Well, let me clarify a bit. The chopper is flying high, Himesh is singing a high note (which even beats the shrilling noise of the chopper blades and reaches out to it's target audience), the girl standing down is feeling high with the sight of the great rock-star Monty wooing her and well you feel that the director and script writer are also high on something. On something really disgusting.

Well, "Himesh ji ki movie ho aur Himesh rockstar naa ho, ho hee nahin sakta". After all if cinema is the mirror of the society then Himesh must be a super star, rock star in it. It's so easy to portray the character in reel life which you really are in real life. So Himesh is again the great rock star here. I am wondering if Satish Kaushik had the idea of remake or Himesh went with rock star idea to him. If Himesh went to him then what could have went behind the scenes, here is a take on that -

Himesh - Satish jee, ek rocking movie ka idea hai. Rock star ka re-incarnation hai. And believe me it will be a mindblowing, fantastic, rocking movie. Let's make a remake of Karz

Satish - Ok, sir let me guess you will give music in it. You have the music ready and you want to show me some tunes.

Himesh - Kya Satish bhai? I will definitely be the music director but this time I also want the Rock Star role.

Satish - "God! whose face I saw in the morning?" Ok! well but this role was played by Rishi Kapoor. People will compare.

Himesh - So what! May be I am a little low on the face value but apni height aur weight to Rishi jee jaisa hee hai. And people can easily relate with me with the role of Monty. I am already a rock star sir.

Satish - Ok Ok. Let's make it but I might need some financial help from you.

Himesh - Don't worry. You are in the company of a rock star. I have another idea. (whispers..) we will take Shweta "Indra Kumar's daughter and Kumar sahab might get ready to promote the film as well.

Satish - (Oh no!) But will Kumar Sahab agree? Why a remake to launch his daughter. He can launch her with any big star.

Himesh - Well superstar nahin to kya hua? I am a rock star. You go and try and he will definitely agree. (Click for more masala)

And there was the origin of one of the best dialogues of the movie where Danny reminds the modest Himesh how big a superstar he is. Anyways Indra Kumar might have said that "Apni beti ko launch karne ke liye kitne logon ko superstar ke darwaze pe khada dekha hai, but yanha to kahani bilkul ulti hai, Ek Rock star khud meri beti ko launch karne ke liye mujhse bheekh maang raha hai. Le lo, jitna paisa chahiye le lo. " (I have seen many people begging at the doors of superstars for launching their daughter, but here the rock star himself is begging to launch my daughter.).

(After reading the script of the movie, Indra exclaimed in pride that this is his dialogue and therefore they deducted Rs. 2 from the script writer's salary. Why Rs. 2 only? Well, who will pay more than Rs. 2 per line for a script like this and that too for a remake).

And so it was. Himesh is really a modest star. Though he has all the qualities of a star but he maintains modesty (that's what he says) and a proof is that out of some 600 possible chances to gloat with glory Himesh only does it 3 times. There are at-least 3 irritating (modest) reminder dialogues that who is the rock star in the movie. The best is when Danny says this "Tumhara jaisa rock star hamse hamari bachhi ka haath maang raha hai". Well everyone feel so overwhelmed with the personality called Himesh. And you are so head over heel in love with the character of Himesh in this movie that you don't want to see anything. Not the multiple facial expressions of Urmila, not even the antics of Sir Judaa when he plays music on his funny arm. Well, I liked Sir Judaa and the way he plays some tunes on his mechanic hand and there pops the explanation from one of his side kicks. This side kick knows Sir Judaa so well, that you often wonder whether Karan Johar will borrow some ideas from this relationship between Sir Judaa and his side kick for his next movie "Yaaraana 2". You never know.

Himesh sings, he dance and he romances. He does all with grace. May be right from the beginning he had this idea that he has to carry the movie on his shoulder as this is movie about him. And except those punchy dialogues, he does well. The other star in the movie is Urmila and the super star in the movie is a temple which is in the middle of nowhere. You can see it from a height of 35000 feets, you can see it in the dreams of Himesh and you see it in the end.

Thanks god the movie flopped this time or it would have given him another chance to make Karzzzzzzzzzzzzzz is back or "Karzzzzzzz ka bojh" with the opening dialogue as "Rock Star kisi ka karzz nahin rakhta".

Have you even wondered whas is behind the title Karzzz? Well, whatever it was. I feel that atleast the director and script writer were dozzzzzing off on the job. Or may be "dosing" off. Dosing off what? Rock star's rocking music ofcourse. "App bhi naa, dirty mind".

So what's next? Jimmy or Rocky? Who will be back with Himesh next time. Believe it or not, it must be some rock star in the next movie of Himesh. After all, it's so easy for him.

Life threat for Sachin .. (Behind the scenes)

In the afternoon a press conference was called in Nagpur where the commissioner of police announced that there is threat to life of Sachin Tendulkar and this threat comes from JEM (a terrorist organization Jaish-e-Mohammad). Well, in the evening itself the version of the story changed and in another press conference it was clarified that there is a death threat but no specific player was mentioned. Here is a humorous take on what could have happened behind the scene(s).

Immediately after the press conference the senior officers called the commissioner -

Senior - Arre! Dixit sahab, what is this baba? Kuch bhi bolte hain (you say anything). If your people are pressurizing you for extra match tickets then there are better ways. What is this?

Mr. Dixit - Sir, you are experienced. You know all this. But now I have announced already. Well, I think I might call another press conference.

Senior - nahin, leave it. It's ok, let police wallahs also have some fun. Waise bhi who will come to watch test match yaar? I don't think that even terrorists have so much idle time.

Mr. D - Oh thank you sir! but what should I do now. I think people have already started writing about all this.

Senior - Call another conference and say that the threat is not for any specific player. That way you might be able to accommodate more police men into the stadium. I also have pressure from my people to get passes. This way I will save the embarrassment.

And by the way, why you mentioned JEM? Did you get any email from them lately?

Mr. D - How do you know that?

Senior - Man! without these self declamatory emails, how would we the people will come to know who is doing what? And you know what we do when we don't know anything about something? Chalo chalo.. go ahead and make the arrangements.