Leaving Campus.

Sliet, Boys Hostel

19th June 06

Dear Friends.

Right now I am in middle of packing my things.. and I have started feeling sick about leaving this place and moving ahead. For the lastfive years, it has been my home, my comfort zone and my private cornerin this world. And now, this feeling will take time to sink that weare moving out of our small world to venture into the crazy world ofcompetitions, distrust, un-loyality, disrespect and defamation.

I have a 20 hour journey by train and these 20 hours have startedseeming like the longest journey of my life. I am getting mixed vibesabout leaving this place. part of me says, I am happy that somehow Ipassed out of this college and part of me says that this was perhapsthe golden period of my life. Well, I haven't spent much time withmost of you but I will miss your presence around me and for those whomI know inside out.. friends I want to tell you that you were the bestpeople I could ever hope to be together with...

Thanx for tolerating me for all these years. and Guyz i am reallysorry if I have ever looked rude or arrogant or an idiot. A lot ofpacking is still left.. well it's time to say good bye...See you all as successful professionals..

Will definitely miss you all..

lots of love

Rajneesh..

Quarter-life Crisis

That same sinking feeling of "leaving your past behind and moving ahead in life" type chose to pay me a revisit. I am glad that a friend of mine passed me an email message to which I can relate myself and it helped me get a hint of the fact that why I am feeling like this? I think that all confused souls like me need some inspiration at this time and messages of these kinds must be shared with one and all. So I am posting it as a blogpost giving due credits to the author.

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Being a twenty-something

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at wat ur studyin or ur job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone! but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you are scared just to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion...

Its called "Quarter-life Crisis." nothing is constant......except change. wats life without a few risks? keep playing the game !
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*source- unknown

One Sinking Feeling..

Today was my last day in this campus. Should I feel happy, or should I feel sad? Well, I can't answer this with the same proficiency that I have displayed during my written examinations for all this time. I know I am feeling confused and so is everybody else around me. The story has finaly reached its conclusion. A gruelling three hour session in examination hall, chants of three cheers afterwards, bhangra in the open, a ride across the college campus and a sinking feeling that a dream is over now. Today was the last day of undergraduate life and from tomorrow we have to start worrying for our future, responsibilities, finances and commitments.

I am wondering that I hardly spent any time together with most of my classmates but still I am getting this feeling that from tomorrow onwards I will miss them like anything. I will miss their presence which was being taken for granted for all these years. I will miss those familiar faces around me and miss the bathroom songs of my not-so-sweet-voiced friends. I am definitely gonna miss my ex-roomie who has seen me through all my ups and downs and I will miss my I- don't-give-a-damn attitude friend... I will miss those crazy phone calls in the middle of the night just to disturb my sleep. I will miss the girl whom I secretly admired for all this time.

friends, I will miss you all for sure.
Wish you all the best in your life...

PTU at it's Predictable Best..

If you ask a final year engineering student at PTU that "What terrifies you most?" Without hesistation he will reply, Advanced Computer Architecture. This is one paper which is the most dreaded subject and is compulsary for every computer engineering student. But then, if you ask me that What's most predictable about PTU then I'll say, the pattern of question papers. It was my hunch that has helped me finally and I am now happily posting on this blog after completing a marathon three hours paper (three hour paper indeed seems like a marathon to lesser mortals like us who only study during the last couple of days and sometime don't even have enough material to go on for three hours). I remember that, in the afternoon I went to one of my friend's room and asked him to study the simplest topic in the syllabus and said that this question will be there. To my utter disbelief, it was there and was the first question of 20% weightage.

During the last few minutes before the schedule of start, my friend Mayank walked into my room and seeing my condition he asked " Should I say this just in time, or the last minute, die-hard effort?" I said call it anything but this question will be there and again it was there. So 20% more and that too just in time. There were three other questions of the same weightage which I have crammed during the last moment. So i guess that the paper was a bit predictable and ofcourse, all theoretical..

Now, if you see the syllabus, it's the vague definition of the whole advanced computer architecture. No detailed information was there and it seems that the designer has copied and pasted texts from the prescribed book into the syllabus manual. It spans almost all the topics and everybody was confused as what to read and what not to? Well, this was not the question for me as being a late starter I am always left with only one option, to do only whatI can. I was really worried about this paper and now when it went smoothly I guess, I can sleep light tonight.

The fact is that PTU examination papers are becoming more and more theory oriented and all it test is your aptitutde for a three hour examination paper. If you can sit there for three hours and even write all the rubbish you want you will get a good score. But, could you afford to be reckless like this in your normal life? Well this is something to think about, but I don't want to waste my time in doing useless stuff like thinking and planning..After all I have to do a lot of cramming for the next paper.