In a confused state..

The wild chase.

I started my preparation for CAT 2005 somewhere in June when i was diagonosed with Tubercular Lymphadenitis (It was really magical that the tumour didn't get cancerous even after its two years of existence inside my body) and practically had nothing to do than to watch my body growing weaker day by day. The doctor was really puzzled and on the day when my doctor confirmed the diagonsis his words were like "By god's grace Son, you now have a long life to live". Well during those days i thought that let's dedicate this new life to the only dream which i cherished for all my life. Getting into IIMs. Now after six months of prolonged Chemeotherapy i again am feeling like sick. Sick with this feeling that i once again let it go. I let the opportunity sleep out of my clutches . Man now i understand the real meaning of the proverb "Success is counted Sweetest."

So near yet so far.

The test was a shocking surprise and so was the result. When i was mourning for my dismal performance in the test, life again chose me to play a cruel joke with. I got 92.26 percentile. Going with the statistics it tells me that out of the 175,000 people who took CAT this year, i have scored better than some 162,000 people but still i don't merit a place in the any one of those elite B-Schools. Well the worst part is that i have topped among all the students of my institute who took this test and i am being admired for what i consider as my failure. But at the same time, a part of me thinks that did i do anything wrong? IIMs claims that CAT is a test of aptitude and you can't really prepare for that. So was it my fault that i didn't join any coaching institute? Am i at fault that even after making it to the 90 percentile i can't be sure of getting admission into any good institute? Or was i wrong that i donot belong to some more privilegded community? I donot really know that what were my mistakes and have no any way to understand that what it would take for the realization of the dream? I really don't know.. this puzzle is still puzzling me.